Yes, those kind of balls. The kind that comes with having a little boy.
My son has long since discovered his little boy parts. He grabs at them with such fierceness at times that I worry he's going to puncture something vital, rendering me grandkid-less. OMG the fact that I'm even thinking about being a grandma instantly added two wrinkles and 8 gray hairs.
I know its normal for boys to play with them. Obviously some don't outgrow the habit.. Shit, if I had them I'd probably be curious too. Although, the same doesn't apply for women and boobs. I just don't get the appeal of two mounds of giggly fat, but I guess that's why I am not a dude.
Anyway, back to the balls at hand.
Wrangling a toddler to change his diaper effectively is the equivalent of wrastling, yes wrAStling a pig covered in olive oil and melted margarine. Unless you can hog tie their hands and feet, its damn near impossible. Smith has the violent pelvic thrust and twist down pat. I cringe when the smell of fresh poo permeates from his rear end because I know it signals a coming of prayers mixed with some f-bombs and promises of ice cream if he would just sit the eff still long enough to wipe his hiney.
As if that wasn't enough, the Poopscapades escalated to epic proportions when in mid thrust and twist, he decided to grab onto his baby balls get a good handful of poo. It was like one of those slo-mo episodes where you see you life flashing before your eyes, but instead visions of my 21 year old self doing beer bongs, I saw the slow and steady raising of poop covered fingers to his mouth.
I was frozen in time. One hand on his ankles to keep his butt from hitting the changing pad, the other hand attempting to clean up the mess, I was still working on. And then it happened. Fingers hit mouth, poop hit lips, and I died.
Noooooooooooo!
Yep. It happened. My son ate shit. His own shit, at that.
Baby balls, you are the debil!
22 comments:
bahhahha this is hilarious!
Oh man...so gross...aren't babies fun???
DUDE as of this weekend KP is officially a nightmare to change. the thrusting, the twisting, the SCREAMING, it's all too much. you'd think they'd like this shit.
Ha! T does the exact same thing with his package as well. Something I just will never understand! And for the poop.. eww! ha!
I am laughing so hard that I have tears coming down my face! OMG it's the most disgusting thing eva but ohhhhhhhhhh so funny... and you can laugh at me when this happens to me in the future mmmm k!? LOL
AH HAHAHA! I'm dreading those coming days-but I have to admit, as gross as it is, that it's also HILARIOUS :)
Kristen - I was crying at my desk after reading this & couldn't even contain myself enough to explain what was going on to one of my coworkers. All I could do was turn the screen and point for her to read. This is hilarious -- and horrific!! i love it!
"That's nasty."
Good lord. I actually screamed "Gaaaaggghhhh!!" when I read this. Aloud. Thankfully I am at home today and not at work.
Aside, my sorta-sis-in-law (boyfriend's sister) just had a teeny tiny baby boy, just under 6 lbs. I was a witness to a diaper change yesterday and had to comment, "dang, his balls are huge!" ..he's like, ten days old. If they grew proportionally to the rest of his body from now on.. well, just google "retro space hopper" and you'll see. I promise it's funny, not dirty.
Omg I am laughing so hard after reading that. I can just imagine the scene in slo-mo while it all happened! Awful!
This made me laugh. The things that happen when you become a mom!
I wrastle Trent on a regular basis! Glad to know I'm not alone. Although he's never eaten his poo...that I've seen. ;)
This may be the funniest thing that I have ever read. In fact, I read it twice just so I could laugh again. :)
Bahaahahah oh my wow that was hilarious. Hope Smith NEVER does that again though!
haha...I'm sorry, but this is hilarious! Little boys are so gross! I remember when my nephew was young!!
Ummm...are you sure you didn't write this about MY son. Cause you could have. Word for word. Boy is OBSESSED with his frank and beans. OBSESSED! And the poop eating, yep...been there. More times than I'd like to admit. Just yesterday he had an exceptionally "special" diaper. I'm surprised you didn't hear me all the way in Florida. "HELP, HELP....POOP ON HIS HANDS, I REPEAT POOP ON HIS HANDS!" Oh the joys of raising a boy.
this will be an excellent story to embarrass him with later on! my mother to this day LOOOOOVES telling me how i put cigarette butts from the street in my mouth.
vile.
I almost peed reading this. OMG, so funny, and gross all at the same time. I couldn't imagine if my little girl did that. She actually does thing thing where once I undo the diaper things, she like grabs and lifts her butt to take the diaper off herself. Hasn't happened yet, but I'm waiting for that moment when she's got a diaper full of the good stuff....oh em gee....Idk if I can handle that. LOL! Great post though! LOVE IT!
i am cringing .... OH EM GEE!! This is too freakin funny! I can't even imagine... Oh the joys of parenthood I have yet to experience.
ew! Another blogger's son just ate poop this week too. her son is Smith's age.
Changing has become a task for me too. I am doing it on the floor most days because of too much movement on the table. she rolls over into the crack between the table and the wall.
Oh. My. GAAAAWD girl, this is hilarious! I am there, all the friggin time. I HAAAATE changing his diapers because of this reason and he has the pelvic thrust and twist. I might as well be beating him with the screams he lets out.
I almost spit tea on my computer reading this... I can so relate - but I'm dying too. Only you can make it sound so hysterically funny.
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