cue the oooohs and ahhhhs (or perhaps, maybe the oh shits and the fuck my life's depending on your situation).
You start dreaming of all things baby. The sweet snugly kisses. Rocking ever so gently while breathing in the amazing aroma that only newborn babies heads can do. You envision soccer games, and first dances. Classroom plays, and movie nights at home. Sleepovers and baking cupcakes. Graduation day and sharing a dance on his wedding day.
Now, take off the rose colored glasses and listen to me, bitches.
Having a child is all of that. It's glorious. And beautiful. And miraculous. It's an amazing gift. But with it also comes cavities. Cavities in your ass, in your vagina. Cavities in your sex life. In your social life. In your ability to rationalize the need for basic fundamental life skills. Who needs a shower? Its only been 5 days and I can hardly smell the vomit in my hair anymore. Cavities also form in your brain. And in your short term memory. And then there's just plain cavities.
Before I had Smith I was in the One Cavity in My Life Club. In fact, I was president of that muthafrucka. Then I got all knocked up. And with the saggy boobs, 40" hips, and corroded liver thanks to box-o-delicious, these precious little babes also rob you of healthy teeth.
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My first checkup since having Smith (I KNOW MOM! STOP YELLING AT ME) and I have 4 cavities that need to be addressed immediately. Two questionable ones. And also required two deep cleanings. All for the low low introductory price of roughly $300 (with insurance). Effing fabulous.
You guys probably think I'm the biggest asshole. All I do is complain about the downside of motherhood.
Of course that's only 5% of it. The shitting of rainbows and puppy dogs out of my asshole isn't nearly as funny though.