In this weeks Celebrity Junk dolls, we have learned some important lessons.
MTV hires morons who not only made bad tattoo choices, but they also find the dumbest of the dumb who would rather spend 5 years in jail than successfully complete a drug rehabilitation program. Oh Amber. You're a fucking idiot.
Kristen Stewart actually doesn't look like she has a corn cob shoved up her ass. I never thought I'd say this, but she actually looks GOOD. She's still an unemotional troll though. Smile for f*cks sake. You have millions of dollars, a great career, and pre-mommy boobs that don't sag to your belly button. Suck it up and smile once in awhile.
The Octomom has gotten a contract to show her tatas and vajingo at one of South Florida's finest strip clubs. I guess with 14 mouths to feed, she better use her jelly to make the dough ifyouknowwhatimsayin. But girlfriend gets a BITCH PLEASE for saying she lost her weight (and ten tons of stretch marks) without plastic surgery.
A pregnant Drew Barrymore got hitched for the third time. Eh, I just really don't care. Snooze.
After 20 months of being pregnant, Jessica Simpson had her baby girl Maxwell Drew. Jessica and Maxi are adorable. But I keep thinking of Kotex every time I see the name. Nothing spells adorable like your monthly bloody show.
My favorite white trash princess and her gums are engaged to Liam Hemsworth. Did someone forget to tell her that she's 19? I am 32, married with a child, and some days wonder if I can commit to the same person for the rest of my life. I have a hard enough time picking out paint samples. The scary part is that if she pops out a kid and it happens to be a girl, their daughter would be within the same age range as Smith and therefore one day Miley could be my inlaws. OH MY GOD.
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