And you know what? I cried.
I cried thinking about how I have to lock my child into his room at night because it means that the past two years feels like a parenting fail. What have I been doing wrong for the past two years of Smith's life that he just can't and won't sleep? I cried when he realized it was locked and he started screaming "Mommy, I SCARED!". I cried because I am exhausted from two years of this nonsense. He's got to be tired too.
I just don't understand.
You name it, we have tried it. And nothing seems to work. And now that this toddler bed / bed railing / baby gate scaling has happened, I am just at a complete loss.
I just feel like throwing in the towel. Please don't get all Mean Girls on me. I don't need any negativity. And I certainly don't need any more suggestions, because I can assure you that we have literally tried everything.
I just need some sympathy. I just don't understand where we went wrong.
39 comments:
No judgement here. My little one is 18 months old and I fear what we will have to go through soon enough. We all do things we say we would never do, never hope to do--you're just one of the brave ones to talk about it in a public forum. Prayers that it works out for the best!!!
The only place you went wrong is beating yourself up about it. If it wasn't the right thing for your family, you wouldn't do it. Hang in there.
You have done nothing wrong - you have a great kid with sleep issues. :-( I'm sorry Momma. I have to duct tape mine in their diapers... You just try to do your best to survive. I would have cried too.
Girl, you're doing a great job. My oldest is nine years old and we had to doing something similar with him. At the time we lived in a house where his room was at the very top of a long flight of stairs (yeah, who would buy THAT house... lesson learned) and he would NOT stay in bed. So.... the hubby turned the door knob around and locked it from the outside. It was horrible the first few nights... not going to lie. In the end it was for his own safety and he's not scarred for life. He doesn't even remember. You're doing this for your kiddos safety at night. If you weren't a responsible parent you wouldn't care, but you are!!!
I can't give you any advice as I am not a parent, but I can send you hugs and kisses to hopefully make you feel better.
I don't think it means you have failed or have gone wrong.
You have a strong willed child who is going to use that trait in his life for good. That will just may save his life someday...not a parenting fail.
Thinking of you!
xoxox
Girl, I totally get it! We bought a house a few years ago and my son's room was at the very top of a long flight of stairs (yea, I rethink that sh** all the time) and he would never stay in the toddler bed. So... the hubby reversed the door knob and we had to lock him in. He's nine years old now and isn't scarred for life. In fact, he doesn't even remember. Honestly, it was for his own safety and protection. If you weren't a responsible parent you wouldn't care, but you ARE!!!! You're just protecting your little man. Eventually he'll get used to it and maybe he'll stay in his bed. For now... you'll know he is safe.
My heart breaks for you...I wish I could help and I hope that this is just a phase he will grow out of very quickly. Until then, keep the wine flowing and give him a sip or three at bedtime. I am kidding...sort of :)
You didn't go wrong. Every kid is just different! Some love sleep. Some hate it. You can try every routine in the book and it won't work. Just try to keep bedtime a happy time so it doesn't continue to be a source of stress for all. Hugs mama. Sorry you are having to deal with this.
I so feel your pain! and like you, I have tried everything and nothing works. My Doctor said it will get better between the ages of 2-3 yrs. because then he says I can reason with her and she will understand. She is 13 months now and I am praying I can make it one more year with no sleep. LOVE your blog though, because like I've said before it is so nice to know that I am not alone, even though I am sad that you have to suffer with me. ;) hope you get a good night of sleep tonight.
I am cheering for you guys to find a solution!! Survival lady, it is all about surviving and thriving!!!
Wish I could give you a hug!! :(
You have all my sympathy girl! You seriously have done NOTHING wrong, you dont have the first kid I've heard of who doesn't sleep. I have a girlfriend who has a 4 year old and a 2 year old, and NEITHER sleep through the night! You have not failed.
I understand that it is the worst feeling in the world; been there, done that. My only suggestion now is to not beat yourself up about it. There will be decisions you make later down the road that are going to make you feel way worse than this...We're parents and it's what we do. The fact that it worries you so much is a sign that you're a great parent. You did this for safety, not punishment. I wish you all the best. It does get better I promise. May not feel like it now, but it does.
Don't feel bad...we are headed in that direction too.
I am right there with you. And then add a newborn. Saige now refuses to nap or go to bed at night unless we lie next to her. And then wakes up screaming in the middle of the night. We pulled a cot up next to her crib where my husband has been sleeping. I know we need to start locking her in there but I can't handle the fact of her screaming for hours..bc she is stubborn as hell. Last night I bawled just because of a temper tantrum where she legit could have been possessed. You are not alone. We will eventually sleep right? Thank god for wine and anti-depressants.
I'm not too good on kid advice since I don't have any (yet) but the worst thing you can do is beat yourself up. I've heard my niece's little voice coming from her bedroom calling for my sister for this same situation. She hated to be alone. Now she is 4 and loves her big girl bed. It will change and it will get better, I promise. Just hang in there.
You have not failed. Is he happy? Is he thriving? Is he ALIVE at the end of the day? Then, my friend, you have succeeded. Just within the last two months, Carter's sleep has gone to SHIT. downright SHIT. Mike and I don't get any tine together in the evenings because one of us HAS to be in the room with him until he falls asleep- if not, he screams and cries so loud and long he gags and throws up. I don't know what happened. It sucks and I'm exhausted and I'm pretty sure I'm NEVER going to get a full night's sleep ever again. But just know that you're not alone and that you are absolutely IN NO WAY a failure. Don't EVER think that. Beat yourself up a little (don't we all?) and have a glass (or box) of wine. Hugs.
As a child, I had the same sleep issues Smith is having. And often when I'd mess with the door to get out I'd end up locking my mom out. So she took that door knob off and turned it around so she could lock me in. You're not the first mom to do this and I'm sure you won't be the last. Hope it gets better mama!
No judging here. You do what you have to do to keep your kids safe, and if that means locking them in their rooms? Then that's what you do.
Hugs friend.
Could have written this post exactly. My son is three and the other night (or morning as it was 3:38 am) I heard him on the monitor & he was playing with the light on. I literally went up to his room to tell him its still night-time & then went back to bed. But not before waking my husband up crying because I also feel like I'm wicked failing. But more than the usual base line of failing/guilt when his behavior regresses. And we also lock him in his room; yes its a safety thing but also because he needs to sleep. Keep your head up!! Don't feel badly about doing what you need to. And if people get all judgey on you, just get their phone number for you to call them so they can attempt to put him to bed.
My kid goes to therapy 4 hours/week. Talk about feeling like a mommy fail. You love Smith and are doing the best you can - that does NOT equal failure in my book. We locked Trent in for a long time, at the exact age as Smith. It gets easier, I swear. Even now, with our battles, it is easier because he understands. Keep your chin up and keep trying. That's all that matters.
We had to breifly do something similar, the door is sticky and he can't open it once it's closed, with our 3 year old and now he just accepts his fate. Don't get me wrong, he's not thrilled to go to be EVERY night but he does it, and we only have him banging on the door every few months.
The one thing that does worry me is in case of an emergency I always open the door at night so that 1. I can hear him when I'm sleeping a few doors down as he gets night terrors, and 2. in case of a fire he's not trapped in his room.
Growing up in our town a family lost their 4 year old daughter from an electrical fire that started in the room next to hers.
Maybe you should just have another! lol I'm kidding, but I feel that my oldest bunking with his 1 year old brother has helped him to sleep through the night. :) As long as you know he's SAFE in his room, you are doing the best you can, and that's all we can really do as parents. :)
Better that than him escaping and hurting himself. You do what you gotta do. My mom said Keith didn't sleep for more than a few hours at a time at night for the first 2 years of his life. Some kids just suck at sleeping.
Like I said on IG, youre a good mommy! Youre doing the right thing and soon you won't need that lock anymore.
OMG, no judgies here! I have felt like that over the past nine months already for different reasons. It is seriously the worst feeling to feel like you are failing. I never thought I would feel like that this early on or for so many different reasons. I sure hope this works out for you and there are more good nights than bad in your future!!
You poor thing!! And poor Smith!! I will be sending positive thoughts and prayers to you and him both. I am going to break your rule and send a suggestion. It helped with my niece who is 6. She would not no matter what go to bed and stay in bed. This lasted for 3 years! The dr. said that she might have anxiety at night so they tried melatonin and it helped. It took while but it did. Best of luck, Momma!
I haven't slept since 2003, so I'm the last to judge.
Also? Gabe slept in my bed until he was almost four because it was the only way he'd sleep. (ftr...I was against cosleeping...HEHE on me)
So yeah, I get it. And BOY do I empathize. I'm empathizing right now through this tub of ice cream sitting on my lap.
Oh. My. You are so crazy sometimes. You ARE NOT failing! Quinn did the same thing and it is NORMAL!!! He actually fell asleep the first night in his recliner and then went tha-dunk in the middle of the night onto the floor which made us go running. It will pass but for now, it's what has to be done to make him realize what he needs to do. Soon he will be sleeping in his bed because it is much nicer than sleeping on the floor or screaming all night. I know it's hard to get through but you will. Quit thinking fail!
Nothing went wrong!!! We put those doorknob covers on the inside of Hudson's door in our old house! Now we have those awesome lever handles that you can't lock....if he didn't get up to pee during the night that shit would have a latch! He gets up, comes downstairs to wake me up to tell me has to pee anywhere between 1 - 5am!!!!
OMG I have been debating reversing the door nob but this is a great IDEA!!! She knocked the gate down this morning and showed up knocking on the shower door! nice. No judgement, I have the same thoughts
I remember my neighbor locking her son's bedroom door- she showed me the routine several times because I babysat for them. Anyways, she would shut the door, and lock it and you could hear him come try the door and then get back in bed- after she was sure he was asleep, she would unlock it so he could get out if he really needed to. I think once he sees that he can go to sleep without you guys and it will be okay, both you and him will feel better. You can get through this.. and this is not a parenting fail.
I totally feel your pain!!! We have been dealing with our daughter's bad sleeping habits since November last year when we switched her to her big girl bed. Ohhh do I miss the days of just setting her in her crib and walking away...since she has been able to get out, it has been a nightmare. We had to just give up naps completely cuz it just wasn't possible. We spent so much time fighting to get her down that it would be too late to even take a nap! And asleep by 8 like all our other parent friends? Yea right! We'll be lucky if she passes out before 10! And whats worse is that she shares a room with our 6 yr old. Poor kid! ha We don't have a lock on their door but I know a few times I held the door closed on her...its the worst feeling in the world, but what else do you do when you have literally tried EVERYTHING! I got mixed results from it. The only good thing is she was a LITTLE more tired after screaming/crying to get out after a while :( You are not alone!
Oh my, that sucks! You have to do what you have to do! When my brother was little we had to have locks up high on the doors so he wouldn't escape every time my mom left the house. He is a completely normal adult now!
All of my kids have gone through periods like this. I have the most stubborn children EVER. My 8-year-old STILL tries to come in our room. WTF? And when they were smaller, I totally locked my kids in their rooms. Anything is better than a sleep-deprived mom. Besides, it's just like sleep training...the first few nights will suck and then you'll be wondering why you didn't do it sooner ;) Kisses, friend. Don't beat yourself up.
You have not failed. I'm just sorry you have to deal with this. Hang in there. Just think, shitty sleeper may mean an awesome teenager. Positive thinking for the future :)
Can I second the "rule-breaker?" IF you haven't already, I bow down to Melatonin. My almost 8 yr old STILL hadn't slept through the night unless she had a fever. A couple months ago, the dr suggested it, I tried it and it was my first full night's sleep in almost 8 years!!! I cried when I woke up! Then I cursed the dr when I found out melatonin isn't new, why the hell was she just now telling me?
I do feel a little like a crack whore when I crush it up and sneak it into her nighttime snack, but I get over it when she's sleeping a little while later. Non habit forming, natural, blah, blah, blah...can't hurt to ask unless you've tried already. Good luck, NOT a parenting fail!!!
You have done nothing wrong. Do they have baby sleep aids? Because we could use it too. I don't think my last comment went through but I am not retyping it because it involves me still sleeping with a FIVE year old. Yeah...just wishing you all luck and sleep.
Does he have acid reflux that is causing him to wake up so much during the night?
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