September 10, 2012

my official statement

The emails and tweets have been pouring in. 


And I contemplated my response on this for a few hours. Carefully trying to decide how I would address it. And what my future holds. If only I had a Rep to ask for privacy during this difficult time.

It's been a beautiful love affair with Ryan. He's been good to me over the years, but something in him has changed. He's not the same as he once was.

A delectably good looking man such as him... I can imagine how it would be difficult to fend off the thirsty bitches. But, his continued poor choices in women have left me feeling quite melancholy. Sure, you could perhaps turn the other cheek when he married Scarlet. She does have really nice boobs. Bad choices in tattoos, but who am I to judge, really. But perhaps the simplicity of her lifestyle in comparison to other Hollywood hookers (I'm talking to YOU Lindsey), is what drew him in. All was forgive when he realized the vast mistake he made and decided to divorce. HER.

He quietly began dating Blake. And the moment I read the news, it was like a knife to my wanna be silicone enhanced chest. Ryan. She showed her MEEPLES all over the internet.  *shakes head* Have you learned nothing?

Okay fine. Go eat your gelato in some poh-dunk down in Canada. Have the dirty whore meet your family, but Ryan. This was to be a passing phase. A mere blip on the Valtrex radar.

But then you up and married her. 

I can no longer stand idly by support you anymore. I have lost all respect for you and your questionable choices in women. 

I will always love you. But, this love affair must end.

So, I plead with you. Please respect my privacy while I morn the loss of my Husband. But, I will welcome suggestions for replacements. Perhaps Ian Sommerhalder will do.



22 comments:

kim {the non-mom blogger} said...

Bahaha! I've been waiting for your official statement.

So sorry for your loss.

Kristin said...

I highly doubt their marriage will last. But hey, maybe they'll prove it wrong. This statement though cracked me up because I have always thoroughly enjoyed your posts w/your love for Ryan Reynolds!

Stephanie said...

This is just a rebound marriage. I don't see it lastly. I think Ryan is looking for his soul mate and he isn't going to find it in Hollywood. Too bad he wasn't willing to travel to the Sunshine State.

Aly @ Analyze This said...

Swear to God the moment I heard they were married, I thought of you. I don't know if that is creepy. Or if I'm a good friend. Regardless, sorry for your loss .... He is definitely missing out!!!!

Gypsy♥Belle said...

Totally thought about texting you last night to see how you were holding up and of course to bash that blonde bitch. But lets be honest, we both know who the better woman is. Haha.
XO

Aly @ Analyze This said...

Swear to God, the minute I heard this news, I thought of you! I don't know if that makes me creepy that I know that much about your love affair or if I'm just a good friend. Regardless, RR is cray cray for never giving you a chance!!

Neely said...

I dont even want to talk about it

Neely said...

I dont even want to talk about it!

K said...

I heard that on the news this morning and thought of you! Hope you are doing OK and the box of wine / Millet Lite IV's are helping with the pain!

Shannon said...

I, of course thought of you immediately this morning upon hearing the news. I give it three years max.

Marjorie said...

Oh, Ian Sommerhalder will DEFINITELY do!

Sara said...

You're the first person I thought about when I heard this...

momFITtingitallin said...

You are such a better catch then her, really?? What is he thinking. He just umm ok he is an idiot - you are so better off :)

Sharee'
www.momFITtingitallin.com

Lauren said...

So I guess you won't be" running with it like it's Ryan Reynold's underwear" anymore?!?!?!?! Sad sad day!!!! :(

KatiePerk said...

You are in my thoughts.
I am also annoyed I wasn't invited. I mean come on, they got hitched practically in my backyard. RUDE.

Kristyn said...

This is hysterical - haha! I felt the same way when I found out he married Blake - what a poor, poor choice!

Alana Christine said...

What in the world was he thinking? *sigh*

Shannon Dew said...

I was just about to HT you and tell you the new Christen Grey could be your lover. See! Same brain. Always.

Mrs EyeCanSee said...

Hahaha. Awesome.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't immediately think of you when I heard the news on my morning drive!

Spanky said...

May I recommend Henry Cavill as a replacement? He is, in two words, "the tits". Oh, and he recently dumped his fiancé, so he's available.

.jamie. said...

Celebrity marriages set in picturesque Charleston never last (Reese & Ryan for example)... Sure the wedding is probably beautiful but the dream stops there.

Meagan said...

Meeples? I don't know what that is!