As you know Smith hasn't been sleeping. Like, at all. We're working on it. But it's not perfect and my God, neither are we. We're doing the best we can with the cards we've been dealt lately and just trying to handle it without having to voluntarily check ourselves into Betty Ford or just simply jump off a bridge.
Lots happening in the Land of the Lawlors and we're just trying to keep our heads above water. And if we can manage a little grace and patience along the way, well we know that God really is on our side.
I need to learn to let go of the mom guilt though. The times when I feel like the biggest pile of donkey shit because I am not entertaining / playing with / holding / snuggling with Smith because there are things that need to get done.
For example, this morning we woke up and needed to start the crockpot for a pulled pork and mac and cheese lunch we're having. My mother and father in law are coming down with our Aunt Ann Marie. It's been a bitch of a week for them. Ger has been pretty sick. Chemo is really kicking his ass and he's just not feeling well. Which leads to the entire family suffering because we just cannot do anything to make it better. Just blows.
Anyway, as I am preparing lunch (at 6am), Smith is sitting on top of the coffee table watching dump trucks and tractors on YouTube. For like 45 minutes.
Insert Mom of the Year title here.
Some days are harder to manage. And with the hefty pile of bullshit on our shoulders right now, it's about all I can manage to just not lose faith and find myself drowning in a bowl of Pinot Grigio.
So, my kid watches TV. So that I can do some things around the house. He helps me scrub toilets because it has to be done and well, I can't leave him alone for two minutes without fear of broken arms or trying to kick the cat.
I'm not a perfect mom. And he's not a perfect kid. But we do what we can to get through each day. Thank God he still loves me regardless.
But it's probably only because he scores a peanut butter cup any time I need 2 seconds to pee by myself.
Lots happening in the Land of the Lawlors and we're just trying to keep our heads above water. And if we can manage a little grace and patience along the way, well we know that God really is on our side.
I need to learn to let go of the mom guilt though. The times when I feel like the biggest pile of donkey shit because I am not entertaining / playing with / holding / snuggling with Smith because there are things that need to get done.
For example, this morning we woke up and needed to start the crockpot for a pulled pork and mac and cheese lunch we're having. My mother and father in law are coming down with our Aunt Ann Marie. It's been a bitch of a week for them. Ger has been pretty sick. Chemo is really kicking his ass and he's just not feeling well. Which leads to the entire family suffering because we just cannot do anything to make it better. Just blows.
Anyway, as I am preparing lunch (at 6am), Smith is sitting on top of the coffee table watching dump trucks and tractors on YouTube. For like 45 minutes.
Insert Mom of the Year title here.
Some days are harder to manage. And with the hefty pile of bullshit on our shoulders right now, it's about all I can manage to just not lose faith and find myself drowning in a bowl of Pinot Grigio.
So, my kid watches TV. So that I can do some things around the house. He helps me scrub toilets because it has to be done and well, I can't leave him alone for two minutes without fear of broken arms or trying to kick the cat.
I'm not a perfect mom. And he's not a perfect kid. But we do what we can to get through each day. Thank God he still loves me regardless.
But it's probably only because he scores a peanut butter cup any time I need 2 seconds to pee by myself.
17 comments:
It's rough being a full time working mom and a full time keep up with the house, cleaning, cooking, laundry, entertaining of kids, etc mom too! Know that you are NOT alone! I can hardly keep my head above water here! XO
I think we all use TV sometimes so we can get stuff done. I know I do! Hope your FIL is feeling better.
On a side note...Pax woke up last night at 2am and I put him in our bed (I know, starting bad habits), but he did sleep. Celebrating the small things today :)
I think there are more Moms out there like you than you know. You are just "brave" enough to talk about it. I hope everything gets better. Remember, God never gives you more than you can handle.
I so wish we could drown our sorrows together. You & me have been getting dealt the short end of the stick long enough! It has to get better!
I'm pretty sure that 99% of moms could write the same thing. We watch a LOT of MMCH on the weekends. Whatever. And you know what my first thought was? Smith will watch YouTube videos for FORTY FIVE minutes?! Hell Yeah!! Haha. I wish my kid would do that.
I've only been following your blog for a short time, but I know you are trying. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are being open and honest about your kid - and those who paint a picture-perfect family - just don't let people know what really goes on. We all have our struggles whether it be sleep, eating, etc. Take a deep breath and enjoy your little guy and the good things. You are not alone - you are just the brave one willing to put it all out there!
I wish Hunter could be entertained by the t.v. for more than 5 minutes so I could get stuff done but the kid just wants to go go go right now. The t.v. set helped raise me and I didn't turn out too bad.
is smith happy? yes! so your doing your job right!! theres no handbook on mommy hood and I for sure am no winner either! we do the best we can with the hand we are dealt! Good luck!
Oh my Kristen,
We have all been there with the momma guilt trying to kick us right in the gut, or in my case guts since I have a massive steroid one lol! I am with Ashley above I was like he sat for forty five minutes hell yeah lol, ok see I have to sat Kelcee on the computer playing Seasame Street after I have had chemo or having to get something done! Girl I think we all have!
I think your a great mom...scratch that I think your Super Mom! You need a effn cape with a mustache on it! Also you need an award. Anyone up for the buy Kristen a box o delicious a month club?! lol any takers? huh huh....
So all jokes and giggles aside...girl look at all you do, you work full time, you are a full time wife (which is like having a toddler lol), full time mommy, full time Little Law Prints, you take on awesome projects for the Cancer Society all while squeezing in time to make us giggle! I think that rocks! I think your a great mommy! So there! LOL
love you mean it!
ps I'm sad today...cheer me up... 1 2 3 go!
Oh, K, you have no idea how many times a day we tell Connor, "Go play on the iPad!" He will go upstairs onto our bed, out of our way, and play for over an hour. He knows how to work You Tube and loves to watch kids play basketball and tractors plow fields. We all do it. Put that shitty mom guilt away!
No mom is perfect. So don't you worry about that. YOu do what you need to do for your family your way. Only YOU know what's best. XOXO.. thinking of you and the family. Keeping you all in my prayers.
I am so there too, Kristen. We just switched to a toddler bed and the sleepless nights are back for us too. I'm so glad you write about this because it is so easy to feel like we're alone, when really we aren't. I can't tell you how much it meant to me the other night remembering that you wrote about the struggle you're having too. So many people pretend everything is easy and put on a mask and I'm so glad you don't do that. We can make it through, and we can do it leaning on eachother in this blog community. Internet hugs to you!
No body is a perfect parent and everyone has mom guilt at some point. I figure it at the end of the day we're all still alive, then I did my job.
Hope you get a little less shit and a lot more puppies and rainbows in your life soon!
Love you more than boxed wine and that says a lot... even more than my endless Michy Ultras on Friday night after my first week off in 7+ months... I feel for you sistah and I am praying that there is an answer and resolution to all of this soon! But... YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOMMA and Smith is uber lucky to have you...
PS Immmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm back ;)
i'm sorry all you're getting these days are shit sandwiches. wish i lived closer so i could bring you a box of goodness :)
Oh honey...the TV stays on here! Its always bubble guppies and Mickey Mouse up in this house. That sounds bad but she has learned so much like her colors, shapes and numbers, If it allows me to get the dishes washed or to take the dogs out, I let her watch it. I dont think there is anything wrong with it...unless he is watch horror movies or something disturbing :)
please, please, please do not beat yourself up over this. I've never heard of TV killing anyone...my husband, who is a very intelligent, 35 year old spine surgeon, watched more TV as a kid than you could imagine :) Smith will be just fine. When my husband was deployed last year and my 2 year old was waking up at 4:30 am every day, I would turn on a Disney movie and let him watch while I laid in bed. I was on my own with no help and was so exhausted I could barely function. I did what I needed to do to get through the day. He watched his movie for a while and when it was a reasonable hour we started our day. I felt guilty too, but that has passed. You are doing a great job and try to give yourself some credit!!
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