Let's be honest here. We need to get a little happier around these parts. Talk about depressing. We need to bring in a little sunshine on a dogs ass and make things all rainbowy and shit.
I'm not a big "fashion" person. I mean, I know what I like (skinny jeans and heels). I know what I don't (anything orange and / or floral anything). I don't let magazines dictate what I love. And I certainly don't shop at Nordstrom's or spend $400 on a pair of boots. I'm a Target girl through and through. I mean, why wouldn't I be? You can buy a cute pair of skinnies, a nice pair of boots, a head of lettuce, and KY lube all in the same place? Score.
One thing I really do enjoy is watching the Emmy Awards and seeing what all these assholes with a shitton of money and nothing but time on their hands. Donatella Versace is a hot mess, but I do like her dresses. And Vera Wang? I mean, seriously. Didn't she design a low-budget line for Target? I knew I loved her for a reason. See, dresses and lube... it all makes sense.
Anyway, what I'm getting to is how amazing all of the pomp and circumstance is. Someone to do your hair? Someone to put you into a couture dress and drip you in $1M worth of Neil Lane diamonds? I mean, how do I get on that fast track. Other than beat Blake Lively with the ugly stick so Ryan runs off into the Pinot Grigio covered sunset with me?
You know what I did hear on the Emmy's recap? Kelly Osbourne. Wore. $250,000.00 Nail. Polish. Made from black diamonds.
I mean, did you just spit out your wine? Because how outrageous is that bullshit? Back in the day when MTV Cribs was actually doing quality programming (kidding), I remember them featuring Master P with his gold plated ceiling and thought that was about as dumb as it got.
How is it possible that these douchebags with nothing important to contribute to society have gold plated ceilings and black diamond nail polish? When I am struggling to pay for daycare and buying generic brand tampons.