Nothing spells quality family time quit like reaching over a pew and shaming an 80 year old woman for giving your son the side eye.
Yes dolls. A day in the life of those asshole Lawlors. Specifically two under rested and overly indulgent in adult beverages because they didn't realize they would be attending 4:00 mass on Saturday parents to a 2 year old that had been up since 5:45am with no nap to speak of. Holy run on sentence batman.
But yes this happened.
The whole family decided to go. Kent's sisters came along with her 4 year old. Grandma and grandpa, a Smith, and his two semi-coherent parents. I'm pretty sure even showing up to mass after a bottle of wine should get you a one way ticket to hell but couple that with the fact that I'm not even catholic and then nearly bitch slapping a blue hair in the second to last pew because she was side eyeing my son for screaming "Jesus loves me" in the middle of the sermon is enough to guarantee my spot in purgatory.
Normally I would have let it go. But that damn Pinot Grigio and my mommy instinct told me that it was a good idea to call her out on her wreck less eyeballing. I was all "Excuse me Ma'am. He's only two". Then Captain Champagne over here (Husband) leaned in ever so gently and reminded her she want being very Christian like. To which her response was... "There's a cry room for a reason." Husband then proceeded to promptly put Old Blue Hair in her place by telling her that the Catholic Church needs more young people and "shame on you" for ruining a family outing with our two year old who is here with his grandfather who has CANCER.
In yo face Granny.
Next time I will probably refrain from drinking before church though. Not my proudest moment.