Nothing
spells quality family time quit like reaching over a pew and shaming
an 80 year old woman for giving your son the side eye.
Yes
dolls. A day in the life of those asshole Lawlors. Specifically two
under rested and overly indulgent in adult beverages because they didn't
realize they would be attending 4:00 mass on Saturday parents to a 2
year old that had been up since 5:45am with no nap to speak of. Holy
run on sentence batman.
But yes this happened.
The
whole family decided to go. Kent's sisters came along with her 4 year
old. Grandma and grandpa, a Smith, and his two semi-coherent parents.
I'm pretty sure even showing up to mass after a bottle of wine should
get you a one way ticket to hell but couple that with the fact that I'm
not even catholic and then nearly bitch slapping a blue hair in the
second to last pew because she was side eyeing my son for screaming
"Jesus loves me" in the middle of the sermon is enough to guarantee my
spot in purgatory.
Normally
I would have let it go. But that damn Pinot Grigio and my mommy
instinct told me that it was a good idea to call her out on her wreck
less eyeballing. I was all "Excuse me Ma'am. He's only two". Then Captain Champagne over here (Husband) leaned in ever so
gently and reminded her she want being very Christian like. To which her
response was... "There's a cry room for a reason." Husband then
proceeded to promptly put Old Blue Hair in her place by telling her that
the Catholic Church needs more young people and "shame on you" for
ruining a family outing with our two year old who is here with his
grandfather who has CANCER.
In yo face Granny.
Next time I will probably refrain from drinking before church though. Not my proudest moment.
29 comments:
shut up shut up shut up! i love everything about this post, everything. i love that you went to church drunk and i love that you talked back to an elder! boom!
HA! I think it's fantastic!!
Sometimes those old people can be so dam pushy!
I say good for you for standing up for yourselves. Very few people do that in church b.c well it's church and I dont think it is OK for the "elderly" to be able to get away with being rude to the little man. I def would have defended by kid and hey Jesus DOES love him. He has that right :)
OMG, I'm picturing Smith screaming "Jesus Loves Me" and wishing I was there to see it. C'mon that didn't even get a chuckle out of anyone? I would have laughed and thought he was adorable. Some people need to loosen up. Good for you for putting her in her place.
Umm... you went to Mass.. which we all know is Catholic... which only leads me to believe that the majority of those in attendance where drunk.
This is the best post I've read....maybe ever. I love it.
As a Catholic, Mass goes much more smoothly if a few cocktails were had beforehand so don't feel guilty. Just be sure that you don't tip over with all of the kneeling, standing, sitting going on!
Hilarious and I really "like" the drinking before church idea. I know every time we go I feel like I have to "sit" in the cry room. Elle is 5 and I STILL feel like I need to sit there.
Good for you by putting her in her place!!
Everything about this story is amazing. Everything. If my kid screamed "Jesus Loves Me" (that would be miracle #1) ANDDD we were in church?! I would promptly give her some sort of reward and crown myself Mother of the Year. Bonus points for telling off someone for the side eye. :)
It's called liqued courage for a reason! Maybe she wishes she were screaming Jesus loves me! Don't feel bad, Jesus loves wine too :)
This may be my favorite post of yours ever! I would have paid money to see Smith yell out "Jesus Loves Me" hahaha
Maybe blue hair should have went to the cry room. I mean- seeing as though she was the one bellyaching over a 2 year old who WASN'T crying. Hehehe. Good work, friends.
HA!! This is awesome! Good for you guys. Personally I think we should tell people off more often.
First things first. The Catholics like their wine. It's integrated into the mass. You're in the clear that you took a little of the Blood of Christ before church. You're just being "spiritual".
And call out Granny since Smith wasn't crying. He was simply stating that Jesus loves him.
And this post just made my day!
LOVE IT! Hilarious!
Good Gawd I love you. I love this post. HEELARIOUS! I think your wonderful and you definitely have a spot in heaven EVEN if you went to church slightly buzzed with a sleep deprived 4 year old... HAHAHAHAHAHA AND GOOD FOR YOU TWO FOR STICKING UP FOR YOURSELVES! Ewwww I hate judgmental old hags! JUST SAYIN'
The BEST thing I've read all day!!!!! Seriously!!!Xo :)
Those damn Blue Hairs. Someone better put me out of my misery if I ever do that shit.
I think this earns the "best mass story" award!! That is hilarious! Good for you for putting Blue Hair in her place!
Bahaa. I love this. Much more than I probably should.
LOLZ. The Cry Room is for CRYING. It's not called the "Shouting Jesus Loves Me Room" for a reason. Back up, Granny.
On a more positive note, we took T to an overly nice steakhouse with my parents last night. My dad and husband traded toddler duties outside b/c there's no way T was sitting still for more than 5 minutes. A nice elderly couple stopped by after dinner and told us they have been there and got a kick out of us trying to keep T under control. The lady was really, really nice and made us all smile. I figured I'd share my story b/c there are old people out there who understand.
At least he didn't shout out, "SATAN IS MY SAVIOR!" I'm all for children being well-behaved in church, but seriously, what Smith did was harmless. Throwing Hot Wheels or Barbie heads in the old lady's hair might've been a different story, though...
So, uh, I think I'll be e-mailing you my comment privately soon.
But FTR, I love you. Perhaps a bit more now.
I would have done the same thing!! :)
Such a good post/story! I grew up Catholic & although no longer really practicing, I've now found going to Mass a bit tipsy is best! =)
if you'd had a mic...you could have dropped it and walked off. WIN.
Old people at church can be so mean. Did she offer you peace at all?
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