Call me an asshole, but when I am usually hit up by the corner bum for money, I ignore them. Or just simply break out the overused and oh so believable line of I don't have any cash. You see, living in Baltimore for 5 years taught me a thing or two about how bad people really have it. Nothing is worse than seeing a man on one corner wearing fresh kicks and a pair of JCrew knickers (how old am I again) trying to compete with a guy on the opposite corner that's in a wheelchair. With no hands. And both legs amputated at the knee. Kinda makes you want to punch the JCrew douchebag in the nutsack because his game obviously isn't up to par. Take a cue from the quadrapelegic. Lose a limb and you are due a beer or ten.
But Florida bums are a whole different ball game. First of all, you live under a palm tree. And it's warm all the time. Secondly all the thrift shops and food pantries are stocked by these well manicured rich assfucks that have nothing better to do than spend $50 on a square foot piece of cotton to hold their sweaty balls to their overly manscaped nether regions. Point being, the homeless folks probably dress way better than I do.
So, when a man holding up a sign that says I'll be honest, I just want a beer I think to myself 1. that shit is way over played - don't you look at Pinterest? Duh! (kidding) and 2. So do I dickhead!
Generally the Florida homeless folks don't get my attention. But for some reason this morning, perhaps in the midst of my cloudy mind on account of Smith's night terrors that kept me awake more than I was asleep, I caved.
Scuse me Miss? Do you have any change? Internal eye roll. Yes, I think I do. Actually, I even have a dollar.
To which the man proceeds to yank the dollar out of my hand and walk away.
Flabberghasted. Did that really just happen? Did he really just snatch my generous beer money out of my hand and walk away?
Good thing I wore my fiesty pants today. Excuse me, sir... (he turns back around). You're welcome asshole!
Since when are homeless people so goddamned entitled?
22 comments:
I once offered a cup of hot coffee and a pastry to a homeless guy on a really cold, rainy morning here in Durham, NC and then HE REFUSED IT because it didn't have sugar in the coffee and the pastry was a cherry danish instead of cheese. Who refuses a free cup of Starbucks?!? Weirdo.
I just wrote about this a month or so ago! I totally had something similar happen. I offered by buy a homeless guy lunch from 7-11. He asked for a slice of pizza and a cokel. I said ok. He then followed me in...got 2 slices, a large coke, a large hot chocolate, bottled water, large bag of chips, etc. Seriously??? He just kept handing me stuff.
My husband and I were recently in NY recently and someone asked us for money. He said we don't have any. Then someone wanted to use our cell phone - he dialed for the woman - but then she dialed again. He said something to her cause he says what they do is dial some far away place and then you get charged.
I may be mean, but I do the same thing. Someone was asked for money so I offered to buy them a meal. They refused and wanted the cash instead. I simply looked at them and walked away. Now I simply respond to go get a job. However - I did recently help a homeless person who was grateful. I bought her dog food, for her two pups that lived in her truck with her. I can say no to a person all day long but the doggy had me at one glance!
That's obnoxious. I think people forget that to be a decent human being you still have to exercise such manners as saying "please" and "thank you". Pretty sure most Toddlers have it down.
Way to to call the douchebag out! It is people like that, that make it possible for the people who are genuinely in need and would be thankful for anything that they got.
I only cave for the ones with pets... But I recently decided that I needed to keep those sample sized dog foods in my car to hand them... Actually on pinterest there are 'care bags'... I've been thinking about those too. I'm just too jaded to give cash anymore.
I don't give money either. Food only!
Ramblings of a Suburban Mom
I seriously just LOL'd. I remember my first encounter with a homeless person, I was in the 6th grade and we were on our trip to DC. I was told upfront not to give them money, but I didn't listen. They followed us around for 15 minutes before my principal had to step in. From that day on, I've never given another homeless person money.
Your last line "Excuse me sir....You're welcome asshole" makes me love you more than I already did and makes me wish I had the balls well not really balls ha to do that ya know! The hubs has also taught me around here that it's for beer money and he even showed me where they stash the same sign they use. The attorney I used to work for once stopped offer the homeless man a bite to eat and a job in which both he refused. He wanted beer money. He admitted it. I too have given money to homeless and it's been snatched right out of my hand without even a thank you. I get you here girlfriend.
Can I say your blog design is off the chain. I'm so sorry I haven't been over the passed few days the loss of my god daughter has rocked me to my core!
love you
me
You are AWESOME! Completely awesome!!! HAHA!!!! Seriously, the nerve!!!
YOU are amazing!! This is why we love you :)
I saw a homeless man on the corner in New Orleans jamming out on his iphone with headphones on and shaking a cup at people for change. Laziest begging I ever saw in my life. I have no patience for that shit. GAH! I loved this post :)
OMG I love you lol this is so funny! You seriously say all the things that I want to say but dont have the balls to do so hahaha
No you didn't!? I love you!
This is awesome!
Bahahahaha. I love it! Nice job!
I hear you! The homeless where I live probably have a bigger salary that I do... especially considering Uncle Sam doesn't take a third of it back! What gets me is every time we have a big sporting event or such here, the "homeless" population triples. A whole new crew of "homeless" arrives in their nastiest Abercrombie outfit and dirty Air Jordan's and beg. Maybe I should quit teaching and try that.....
That's awesome. Homeless Floridians are assholes.. and dont even get me started on the "vets" that's walk around in "uniform" on 17th street... I dont offer any of them shit, I'm too afraid they will try and steal my whole wallet if they see it.
Ugh. I hate that! Like seriously...I don't even understand how people can be so rude!
True story! Florida bums EXPECT everyone to hand over money... And when you don't, they look at you with a face that screams "how dare you keep the money you worked hard for and not fork it over"
100% of homeless people in Florida can receive food stamps, they don't need an address or a computer to apply. An individual will receive $200 a month (plenty of food money), so every dime handed over goes to other shit.
The local church handed out Walmart gift cards at Christmas and every bum in town was at the liquor store...
Congratulations to you for putting a rude person in their place! I think I may have a girl crush now.
Gah I could use some beer (wine) money of my owwwnnnnn!
Post a Comment