Call me an asshole, but when I am usually hit up by the corner bum for money, I ignore them. Or just simply break out the overused and oh so believable line of I don't have any cash. You see, living in Baltimore for 5 years taught me a thing or two about how bad people really have it. Nothing is worse than seeing a man on one corner wearing fresh kicks and a pair of JCrew knickers (how old am I again) trying to compete with a guy on the opposite corner that's in a wheelchair. With no hands. And both legs amputated at the knee. Kinda makes you want to punch the JCrew douchebag in the nutsack because his game obviously isn't up to par. Take a cue from the quadrapelegic. Lose a limb and you are due a beer or ten.
But Florida bums are a whole different ball game. First of all, you live under a palm tree. And it's warm all the time. Secondly all the thrift shops and food pantries are stocked by these well manicured rich assfucks that have nothing better to do than spend $50 on a square foot piece of cotton to hold their sweaty balls to their overly manscaped nether regions. Point being, the homeless folks probably dress way better than I do.
So, when a man holding up a sign that says I'll be honest, I just want a beer I think to myself 1. that shit is way over played - don't you look at Pinterest? Duh! (kidding) and 2. So do I dickhead!
Generally the Florida homeless folks don't get my attention. But for some reason this morning, perhaps in the midst of my cloudy mind on account of Smith's night terrors that kept me awake more than I was asleep, I caved.
Scuse me Miss? Do you have any change? Internal eye roll. Yes, I think I do. Actually, I even have a dollar.
To which the man proceeds to yank the dollar out of my hand and walk away.
Flabberghasted. Did that really just happen? Did he really just snatch my generous beer money out of my hand and walk away?
Good thing I wore my fiesty pants today. Excuse me, sir... (he turns back around). You're welcome asshole!
Since when are homeless people so goddamned entitled?