I just read an article over on The Stir and literally spit out my water and choked on my own rage.
Here's the short of it. If you agree with the following, I highly suggest you exit the building to stage right and do a shot of pipe the fuck down.
"Parents who choose to have only one child are just being selfish... I understand some people are unable to have more than one kid due to medical or even financial circumstances. I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about the couple who choose to have one kid and then decide it's a lot of work and they like having their freedom, so they stop at one. Yes, it's your life, so do what you want. But remember this: you're doing a huge disservice to your child by not giving them a sibling."
Holy shitballs. I feel like someone kicked me in the taint. Who in the hell is ANYONE to tell me what to do with my vagina. And what kind of moron do you think that I am by telling me I'm being unfair to my child because I only want one. WHO IS ANYONE TO JUDGE? You think I'd buy into that bullshit sandwich?
I have heard it countless times since Smith was born. When are you going to have another one? We're not. Why Lawlor? I mean, that's not fair to Smith. You have to give him a brother or a sister. You can't stop at one. That's just insane. He's so adorable Kristen, can you imagine if you had a girl?
Excuse me while I shove my foot so far up your ass that you're flossing your teeth with my flip flops.
What I chose to do with my own uterus and my husbands nuts are none of anyone's business. And to be so narrow minded to assume that my child is going to "suffer" because he doesn't have a 24/7 playmate? Or suggest that he's going to be a selfish little prick because he has our undivided attention? You think I don't know how to discipline? How about you come over at 2, 3, 4, 5 am for 2 1/2 years straight? And then pay for my daycare at $190 a week. And then work full time and have incredible mom guilt for not being the one to teach my son how to count to 20. And only have 3 hours a day during the work week to get in quality time. And then divide that in half for a second child and then in thirds for a 3rd child.
It's absolutely amazing to me that this kind of thoughtless opinion is still shoved down the throats of people that don't understand, nor have the capability to empathize with each individual family's own decisions and circumstances. Such broad generalizations just prove what a moron you are. My uterus. My business. Not yours.
I don't shit on your coats because you choose to use your vagina as a water slide every 18 months. So don't tell me that I'm a bad mother because I choose to dedicate my time and love to one remarkable boy.
59 comments:
A-fucking-men, ladyfriend. Is it wrong that you getting all sorts of riled up is kind of a turn on? Eff-bombs galore make my panties wet. Holla, bitch!
Amen! Judge-y moms are the most annoying!! You hear it about having one kid (which is perfectly fine) & I hear it about having a csection and not breast-feeding. Does it really matter if I fed my kids with my tits or a bottle? Psshh, the fact I had a csection makes explaining where babies come from that much easier...
Word. I get this all the time right now. My girl is 2.5 years old and even random co-workers are asking when the next one is coming. Umm...didn't know you got a vote on the matter.
Girl, preach. I hate that people spew such ignorance. I hate that people actually believe that. Right now I'm a mom of one. We may have another, but at this point I don't feel like I'm doing her a disservice by not having two. She still plays with kids. She's still social. She still knows how to share. Her friends just don't live in our house! I don't think you HAVE to have a sibling to have those things.
Sometimes people are losers. I swear, when did we become people who can't understand someone else's perspective. Not everyone's life has to look the same! Sigh.
Some people just need to keep their opinions to themselves....partciularly when they're that irrational! :) FYI -- I'm an only child and I feel like I turned out fairly well adjusted (at least I think). Nor do I hold a grudge against my parents for not "giving me a sibling". Sheesh.
I JUST had this conversation with my mother yesterday. I can't STAND the fact that other women are so judgemental about moms. Seriously. You can't have only one kid. You can't have too many kids. If it's hard, you're an asshole. If it's easy, you're an asshole. If you don't breastfeed you suck. If you breastfeed too long you suck. Back the fuck of people and how about we just support each other. You va-jay-jay is your business, and people who write articles like that are idiots. Smith is awesome. And it's your life and your family. Tell them all to go shit in a hat!
Oh Kristen you always make my morning. Some people choose not to have any children at all. Its just a personal thing and its between you.your husband.and your vagina (I guess!) You do what is right for you. He is one remarkable boy and blessed to have you has his Mom. Heading off to read that article!
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm actually pregnant with my second now (another girl) and people are ALREADY asking when I'm going to try again for a boy. I want to haul off and slap them. Why yes, I'd love to work 40 hours a week, 2 hours of commute each day, just to pay for daycare. And also, thanks for letting me know that my TWO girls aren't enough and my life wouldn't be complete without a boy.
AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm actually pregnant with my second now (another girl) and people are ALREADY asking when I'm going to try again for a boy. I want to haul off and slap them. Why yes, I'd love to work 40 hours a week, 2 hours of commute each day, just to pay for daycare. And also, thanks for letting me know that my TWO girls aren't enough and my life wouldn't be complete without a boy.
I hear ya sista! Did anoyone notice it was a MAN (Andrew Kardon) who wrote the post???? TI think that says it all! Bahahahaha!
Through the research I've done while completing my master's degree in early childhood Montessori education, I have found absolutely no quantitative data or even empirical evidence that shows any kind of "disservice" that is done to a child sans sibling. In fact, social psychologist Dr. Newman states that, "demographic and economic trends dovetail with research that indicates only children aren't disadvantaged at all - and may have an edge in certain areas.. and that single-child families are growing at a faster rate than families with more than one child." Consider yourself served, and next time keep your uniformed opinion to yourself. Beeotch.
I laughed out loud at this!!!! I'm posting a link on my blog for my (2 :)) friend to read this. Hilarious!
We have been dealing with the 'when are you having the next one?' question since the day Connor was born, literally. At one point I stopped telling people we were pretty sure we were only having one because it was almost embarrassing. Then I realized that was bullshit and started just telling it how it is. We get the same responses; it's not fair to Connor, you'll regret that one day, and on and on and on.
Listen, I am an only child. I never longed for a sibling and I sure as hell was never spoiled. I have worked since I was 16 years old and it's not been for financial reasons. My parents were very well-off, but they also wanted me to understand the value of a dollar. To be 100% honest - I don't have to work now, but I do. We already teach Connor manners and values, as I'm sure you all do with Smith. It's not rocket-science. I can raise an only child the SAME WAY someone else can raise a set of siblings. Same discipline techniques, same amount of love, etc.
Okay, that was a novel. Sorry. But articles and opinions like these just piss me off.
Don't you just love the way the internet makes people so bold? Wonder if that person would say all of that to your (or anyone relatable's) face. What in the world. People will pick battles for anything? You don't breastfeed? SHAME. You use disposable diapers? AWFUL. You CHOSE a c-section? YOU AREN'T A MOM. Only one kid? Well, aren't you selfish. Dumb and dumb.
Amen,girl!! I have only birthed one child and that's all that will be birthed from my body.
dude. totally agree. I get the question all the time too and I'm like hello have you noticed I'm not even married? Not that single mamas can't have more kids. But people out there are just so baby-obsessed! But for everyone else. I know, babies are miracles and all of that. But Having one is tough, and honestly yes call me selfish. I have zero desire to have more. Not to mention the finances.
"I don't shit on your coats because you choose to use your vagina as a water slide every 18 months."
Favorite line EVER.
Also? It's The Stir. Their articles have becoming increasingly more ridiculously biased that I can't even read them anymore. It reads like a 13 year old wrote them.
This is why I love you more than chocolate ok it's a tie ha! Kidding! Holy Shit balls is right and a big 'effn Pipe the eff down is in order on this one. What in the world. You are so right it's our vagina, our hubs balls, our business and whether it be because we can't have more children and even if "the hubs and I could" we probaly wouldn't for we are perfectly content with one that is nobodies business or decision but our own. You my friend should never have mom guilt! YOu are an absolute amazing mom to that uber gorgeous Smith of yours and just because him or Kelcee do not have siblings does not mean they are gonna be more selfish, lonely etc., I have read studies that show not willingly but happened upon them ha, that a single sibling is just as content or in some cases more so than multiple siblings and they get just as much social time as day care, pre-school, school with their parents etc. Just because "some people" think having a sibling is the thing to do it's whatever we chose to do. It doesn't make us any less as parents if anything it makes us smarter for taking the time to decide what is best for us and our child or children. I laughed so hard about the flip flop as dental floss you can use my zebra print ones with rhinestones on this one hahahahah omg this is crazyness. I am one hundred percent behind you on this one my Kristen whatever we choose as parents to have one to have two to have twenty is our business. I don't think an article should be posted on why you should have more than one child holy kick in the gut. I have to go read it now but I know it's gonna piss me the eff off and I'm gonna be even more willing to send you my zebra flip flops for the occassion lol! Oh and the vjj as a water slide is the best line I have ever heard in my life so much so you need to patent that shit like Beyonce did with Blue Ivy's name hahahahha! I know your a great mommy you know I am one!
I am fired up girlfrannnnn lol! I best go before I take up your whole comment wall hahahahah!
love you mean it!
Sums
p diddle s you need to patent all your phrases I am laughing so hard oh and the fact that you used the word taint makes me love you that much more hahahaha! Yes I am wierd ha!
Only children are the shit. I should know, I am one! He won't miss out on anything at all. People are so moronic and opinionated. Do you!
Amen!! My daughter is 3, and it's gotten to the point that I don't talk to my MiL because she's been badgering me about another one since her birthday in August. Some people don't seem to realize that there's a line between MY business and YOUR business!
People forget that not all siblings get along, look at me and my one brother who aren't even on speaking terms at the moment. So the "playmate" reasoning is crap. He tortured me growing up and made me miserable.
The next time someone asks you, just lie and tell them you aren't physically able to have any more kids and start crying and make them feel like an asshole for even asking. That'll teach them.
Oh and $190 a week, I pay $240 a week. Sucks balls.
Preach on, preacher! My husband and I have been married for almost 7 years and don't have ANY kids. People ask us all the time when we're going to have them. Truthfully, I don't know if we ever will. Our choice, not theirs.
It seriously is no ones business how many kids you have. Like only children are a new thing? 2 kids? Aint nobody got time for that. And thats the trufe with some mother effing cheese on it.
Ummm... they can go you-know-what-themselves. If you decide to only have one kid, that's no one's business but your own. Furthermore, I am an only child and I swear it has something to do with my professional success. Since I didn't have a "24/7 playmate" I hung out with the adults. I was taught how to make conversation with adults at a young age. I have always been more mature than my friends and I believe that has led me to success professionally. So when those people's kids are 29 and living in their parent's basements because they were too busy eating their little brother's boogers to learn how to function in society, Smith can laugh at them!
Now I'm heated!
love.love.love how you can just put it all out there, in plain and simple terms! I couldn't agree more! Thank you for sharing all of your thoughts. Reading your blog helps me deal with my own working mom guilt knowing that I am not the only one. Thank you thank you thank you!
"I don't shit on your coats because you choose to use your vagina as a water slide every 18 months"
This is why I love your blog..
Like my dad always used to say "Opinions are like assholes. Everybody's got one."
The person who wrote this probably stays at home with her kids, homeschools, makes her kids eat organic, makes their clothes, etc. etc. She will be surprised one day when she realizes that her kids are douches, and her husband has been banging his secretary for the past 10 years.
Fuck him!
Amen Girl!! Here's to being in the "ONE AND DONE" club!
People are stupid. Good job for standing up for what you believe in. It's your body, your life... and you know what is best for YOUR family.
TIME OUT! WHAT? daheck!? What the hell kind of news media are you into here KLaw. Dump "The Stir" for realz.
How is being able to devote all of your chitlin raising attention and bank roll to ONE taking anything from that child? As one of two, I would say the eff to a sibling! I want all that unconditional love and college money for me!
*smooches*
Preach it sistah!
You do what you want with your lady bits and that's THAT!
PS the thought of somebody kicking me in the taint makes me hurt...
Hahaha! You make me laugh! People are stupid! I know plenty of kids that have no siblings and are just fine! Like you said, my uterus+my vag+hubs nuts=my business!
Absolutely Amen Sister :) I have an only child currently (with more hopefully on the way one day but we are waiting for a promotion...)anywho, if one more person says "oh that explains it...she's an only child" to me again - they are going to see this mama lose it - what we do is OUR business and thank you for addressing this - moms need to quit comparing everyone else's shit!
OMG, Love you! Totally made me laugh...I can't stand people getting all up in my biz about this kinda thing, so preach on! HAHAHA!
I had a lot to say but now I can't stop laughing over someone using their vagina for a water slide. How do you think of this shit!?
AMEN!!!!!!! Uggghhh I cant stand judgy moms. they are not going to help you with daycare or any other fees so what ever too them (I really wanted to use some other terms but Im working on that!!)
This is some funny shit!!! Im LOL'ing over here!!! Vagina waterslide!!
Very well said!!
the only people who say that shit are people who can't stop procreating. You know. the people who have kid after kid after kid and don't have a pot to piss in. I am an only child, loved being an only child, and never wanted a sibling. EVER. I had friends and cousins and had a wonderful, happy, non-spoiled childhood. Good for you in knowing what you want for your family and knowing what your limits are. I see so many families these days who bitch and moan about being stressed raising their fifty kids and complain about being worn out and struggling with finances. If only more people took responsibility when it comes to family planning!!
People are idiots. Ignore their bullshit and carry on with your bad self.
PS Is it sad that I'm jealous you only pay $190 a week for daycare?? Why is that shit so expensive?!?
those people SUCK.
as someone whose best friend is an only child, and her husband is also an only child...i'll tell you this. they aren't psychos, they aren't spoiled. AND i get to be aunt hales now cuz i don't have any actual aunts or uncles to content with...WINNER!!
Um Kristen, if you were only going to have one child, then just move to China where it's the only thing allowed.
But seriously... enjoy your money and freedom..... and cervivcal floor... and half way perky boobs....
I have 2 kiddos, but I totally agree with you!! How dare they! That is just ignorance!!! I think there are good things about being an only child and good things about more than one- last time I checked, we are a free country and still get to make the decision of how many kids to spit out. Some people clearly should not be allowed to speak!!! Morons! (BTW, despite my being totally enraged about those comments, you made me laugh so hard I about peed myself! Love you!)
Wow, Who pays these people to write?
At least she touched on the fact she is not talking about people who cant afford another kid. I dont appreciate people having lots of kids they cant afford while you and I go to work and send our kids to daycare so we can pay for all the kids they choose to have. Giving my child a sibling is NOT the reason I want another child. I know siblings are often not friends at all, so that wouldnt be a reason for me.
Well said, sweet lady, well said! I am an only child as is my son. I don't think that either of us is any the worse for wear. There was a time when I wanted another, but it just wasn't in the cards. Looking back it all happened for a reason. I don't think that I could have handled being a single mom with TWO for the last 6+ years!
omg, people are cray...zzy...Why do they even care about these only child households? Besides it not being ANY of their business, why should they even spend half a second being bothered by it? Weirdos.
I'm an only child and I am here to say that it rocks. My parents only had one kid's sporting events to attend, college to pay for, college to visit, etc... I got 100% of their love and attention and it was/is pretty great. And now that I have my own son...they have 1 grandson to spoil. Being an only child is the best.
"I don't shit on your coats because you choose to use your vagina as a water slide every 18 months"
Absolutely hilarious! I love that line, you should get some kind of award for it. I have three kids and I love them dearly and I have never given a flying rat's balls if someone has one child. I come from a family of four and I have a few siblings I would trade for a hot dog if I could, even as adults, so when people talk about siblings like they are some kind of gift I think it's absolutely ridiculous and presuming a lot. Every study ever done has shown that only children do not have issues because of not having siblings and really, families with lots of kids have more problems so I'm not sure where people get this silly idea.
i'm not on the one baby train- the mr and i are in agreement that we'd like to have more than one. but that's our decision. a decision that each couple gets to make for themselves (except for the poor souls that get twins on the first go around- they don't get a choice, they automatically get two). it's a bummer that people still say shit like this. it's your family, do what works for you.
I'm an only child. My parents aren't selfish, and they didn't do me a disservice. They were just content with one, and I turned out just fine.
PS. You're a great mom!
AMEN!!! I have a friend who I love dearly who made mention the other day to me "I don't know how you can only have one" well, um, considering it took me 6 years and an adoption application to get pregnant with my ONE, I consider it a blessing to be his mother. Not to mention, I AM OLD and therefore losing patience every damn day. We decided a long time ago we wanted ONE because we wanted to give all of our attention to that one child and not feel like we were sacrificing our lives to conform to some social expectation to have more than one. Not to mention I don't work 40 hours a week and commute 2 hours a day for a luxury. the idea of two kids with that kind of schedule makes my head spin.
People just don't realize that their comments are really hurtful when they say shit like that. It's really frustrating! LIke another commenter said- someone always has an opinion about how you parent- whether you had a c-section or not- whether or not you have more than one child or not, whether your breastfed or formula fed, cloth diaper or disposable. who the fuck cares? it's my child and clearly I'm doing a decent job because he's pretty damn cute and smart- and I'd say the same for you since Smith is pretty damn cute and smart too!
SO to hell with them!!!!
So we are currently on the one child train. If we'll stay on it or not, well, the jury is still out. But here's the thing, the time and the energy that we have put into that decision means making that decision is the least selfish thing we've done lately. Would I love for my child to have a sibling? Sure, but I also know my limits. I personally think it's selfish for people to have more children than they can afford because of some misguided vision of what they think parenthood should be. Or because they love squishy babies so they keep popping them out not stopping five seconds to figure out how they'll pay for college, or ballet lessons for five, or weddings.
I personally think it is pretty unselfish to take the time to figure out your limits and base your family on that. To think about finances, or time, and all the other factors. I personally don't want to tell Ella that she can't take ballet, or gymnastics, or hell, glee club because I had too many kids and now find myself strapped every month.
I've had a lot of wine tonight. But this gets me fired up. Someone told me that Ella will resent us if she never has a sibling and I think that's ridiculous. I know a lot of only children and they all have AMAZING relationships with their parents.
That article is dumb.
I was a single child, I enjoyed it, and I'm not a selfish brat, either!
Smith is perfect. It couldn't possibly get any better than him. : )
Smith is perfect. It couldn't possibly get any better than him. : )
One & DONE! And everybody and their mother has an opinion on it. I tell them to start a college fund for Rylin & said savior sibling and then approach me about it and they all just give me a blank stare. We both feel completely content with Rylin and I am selfish! I'd like to continue our life style, pay for private school, and save for Rys college tuition. I feel that as her mother it's my job to make sure SHE gets the best start at life possible and for us that means a chance to go to a great school and college and not be up to her eyeballs in debt when she enters the "real world!" Apparently I explain this in French to those with opinions?!
P.S- you crack me up
One & DONE! And everybody and their mother has an opinion on it. I tell them to start a college fund for Rylin & said savior sibling and then approach me about it and they all just give me a blank stare. We both feel completely content with Rylin and I am selfish! I'd like to continue our life style, pay for private school, and save for Rys college tuition. I feel that as her mother it's my job to make sure SHE gets the best start at life possible and for us that means a chance to go to a great school and college and not be up to her eyeballs in debt when she enters the "real world!" Apparently I explain this in French to those with opinions?!
P.S- you crack me up
I love this article, so fresh, so true! I have siblings because my parents wanted to have kids. My best friend is an only child but she's the best-EST friend anyone can ever have. We all have different takes in life and I guess a person's business should end where other people's business start. You rock!
-Mischna Ong
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