This weekend was our first overnight away from Smith in about a year. Thank God Grandma came to the rescue just in time before I just ripped open the cardboard and stuck my face into the next box of pinot grigio. To say that Smith is challenging is a bit of an understatement. Comparable to an understatement saying that I just really don’t like Miley Cyrus. Or that I have a small distaste for Asian food.
We dropped Smith off at Grandmas about 4pm and headed home for a little R&R before heading out to dinner and to Laser Wolf where Kent was DJing their 2 year anniversary party. Craft beer + date night – toddler responsibilities = Mommy finds her inner, careless 26 year old self and relishes in every moment of it, all while being responsible and not drinking my face off so as to waste a day off recovering.
We enjoyed breakfast the next day. Followed by a leisurely 4 hour nap before we picked up the heathen and had reality smack us in the ass with a dose of tantrum and multiple refusals to listen.
Monday morning started off reasonable. And actually quite romantical and shit because we were still in the I missed my baby phase. Until it was time to get dressed and Smith decided to turn himself inside out at the thought of removing his pajamas, resulting in mama losing every last bit of self-control and emotional steadfast that I ever had.
I wasn’t a good mom that morning.
Smith cried like I had never seen. And I spent the remainder of my day at work holding back the tears at how disappointed I was at myself for losing control. I feel like a failure. A terrible failure. I failed him. I failed to keep a promise I had made to myself. I scared my son to the point that he didn’t want to even be near me.
I know as parents, we sometimes find ourselves struggling. Realistically, I know this. Ideally I understand that I am going to have tremendous successes and big failures. But this is the first time I have ever scared myself. I am not together. I am not doing well.
All you new followers from the giveaway? Sorry this is your introduction to my life. But this is where I am today. Perhaps tomorrow will bring jokes about suffocating vaginas. But today, I am not well.